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Are you the most famous person to come from Indiana?
No, I'm the 3rd most famous person. David Letterman and his mother are slightly more famous.
Is it true that you went to grade school with Joyce Dewitt of Three's Company fame?
Yes, it's true; although she may deny it, and my only proof - our 7th grade cheerleading picture - was destroyed in a mysterious fire.
Did you meet any famous racecar drivers when you lived near the Indianapolis Motor Speedway?
Yes, although they may deny it. But seriously - many of the drivers came to our grammar school to talk to us about safety. When Mario Andretti tells you
not to put a fork in a toaster, you listen.
Indiana is called the "Hoosier" state. Where does that term come from?
In "Indiana History" class, we learned that the term "Hoosier" came from pioneers hollering "Who's yar?" at each other. But that seemed idiotic to me.
Why are all the people in your paintings so tall and skinny?
It is not always easy to railroad unsuspecting people into posing for you. Promising to melt away pounds and add inches to their height ensures that one will have
models for decades to come.
Aren't you sick to death of painting pattern?
No, no, a thousand times no. I love pattern. I love painting pattern. In fact, I've painted so many patterns that now I own rights to all patterns. People have to ask
my permission to paint pattern and then pay me $1 per square. Some of you people out there owe me money. You know who you are.
How do you think up all your clever titles?
I actually listen to the inane things people say and write them down.
People say you're self-absorbed. Is this true?
Sorry, wasn't listening. Were you talking to me?
Why do you hate "the outdoors"?
"The outdoors" is highly overrated. To me, "the outdoors" is a dirty, noisy, badly lit place where there are dangerous animals, sharp, rusty objects and too much
thunder and lightning. My dream is to live in a plastic bubble some day.
If you were stranded on a desert island, with whom would you want to be stranded?
Someone who had the brains to build a plastic bubble and protect me from "the outdoors."
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